Funny doctor jokes

If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do?

Answer: Keeps everyone away.

What did my doctor say to do after I stepped on a LEGO?

Answer: Just block out the pain…

What did the boat say when he was not feeling well?

Answer: I need to go to the dock.

What did the doctor say to the man who got sick at the airport?

Answer: It’s a terminal illness

What did the doctor say when the nurse told him the invisible man was there?

Answer: Tell him I can’t see him.

What do you call an Egyptian doctor?

Answer: Cairo-practor.

What's the most common operation in a LEGO hospital?

Answer: Plastic surgery

Where did the duck go when he felt sick?

Answer: To his ducktor.

Where does a ship go when it’s not feeling well?

Answer: To see the dock-tor.

Why did Mickey Mouse go to the doctor?

Answer: He was having Disney spells!

Why did Sonic go to the doctor?

Answer: Because he had the runs.

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

Answer: Because it wasn't peeling well.

Why did the bird go to the doctor?

Answer: To get his tweetment.

Why did the clown go to the doctor?

Answer: He felt a little funny.

Why did the computer go to the doctor?

Answer: It had a virus.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

Answer: Because he felt crummy.

Why did the cookie go to the nurse?

Answer: Because he felt crummy!

Why did the Dalmatian go to the eye doctor?

Answer: He kept seeing spots!

Why did the doctor lose his temper?

Answer: Because he didn't have any patients!

Why did the man bring his motorcycle to the doctor?

Answer: For a fuel injection.

Why did the paintbrush see a doctor?

Answer: It had a stroke!

Why did the robot go to the doctor?

Answer: She had a virus!

Why did the rope go to the doctor?

Answer: It had a knot in its stomach.

Why did the snowman go to the doctor?

Answer: He was feeling chilled!

Why was the doctor angry?

Answer: He had no patience!