Funny vampire jokes

How can you tell if a vampire has a cold?

Answer: He starts coffin!

How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball?

Answer: Every night he turns into a bat.

How did the witch say goodbye to the vampire?

Answer: So long sucker

How do vampire footballers get the mud off?

Answer: They all get in the bat tub.

How do you join a Vampire Fan Club?

Answer: Send your name, address and blood group.

What can you catch from a vampire in winter-time?

Answer: Frost-bite!

What did the vampire say at the blood bank?

Answer: I’d like to make a withdrawal

What do vampire footballers have at half-time?

Answer: Blood oranges.

What do vampires cross the sea in?

Answer: Blood vessels.

What do vampires have at eleven o'clock every day?

Answer: A coffin break.

What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?

Answer: A blood hound.

What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?

Answer: A blood test!

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?

Answer: Frost bite!

What does a vampire's call his sweetheart?

Answer: His ghoul-friend!

What don’t people like vampires?

Answer: Because they suck!

What happens when two vampires meet?

Answer: It was love at first bite!

What is a vampire’s favourite airline?

Answer: Scare Canada!

What is a vampire’s favourite fruit?

Answer: Necktarines!

What is a vampire’s favourite soup?

Answer: Scream of mushroom

What is Dracula’s favorite fruit?

Answer: Neck-tarines.

What is the first thing that vampires learn at school?

Answer: The alphabat

What kind of mail does a superstar vampire get?

Answer: Fang mail.

What song do vampires hate?

Answer: You are my sunshine!

What was the Vampire’s least favorite song?

Answer: Another one bites the dust!

What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?

Answer: Lots of blood tests!

What's a vampire's favorite sport?

Answer: Batminton

What's a vampire's favourite part of the guitar?

Answer: The neck.

What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?

Answer: Blood orange!

What’s a vampire’s favorite soup?

Answer: Scream of Tomato!

What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?

Answer: It’s a pain in the neck.

When do vampires like horse racing?

Answer: When it's neck and neck.

Where do vampires keep their money?

Answer: The blood bank

Where does a vampire take a bath?

Answer: In the bat-room (bathroom).

Which Pokemon does Dracula like most?

Answer: Koffin’

Who has the most dangerous job in Transylvania?

Answer: Dracula’s dentist

Why are vampires like false teeth?

Answer: They always come out at night.

Why are vampires so unpopular?

Answer: Because they are pains in the neck!

Why did the vampire get kicked out of the house?

Answer: Because he was a pain in the neck!

Why does Dracula clean his teeth three times a day?

Answer: To prevent bat breath.

Why does Dracula have no friends?

Answer: Because he's a pain in the neck.

Why is Dracula so easy to fool?

Answer: Because he’s a sucker.

Why were Dracula’s pancakes so terrible?

Answer: He got turned into the bat-ter.